“DON’T LET THE FREE GIFT STEAL YOUR SLEEP ! “
You got married during a clearance sale !!...............you selected a spouse, but never realized there
was a special promotion going on……… “A FREE GIFT”
for the item you chose.....As a result, though you wanted only a spouse, you
eventually ended up not only with a spouse but also with a Mother-in-law, a
Father-in-law and a heap of heterogeneous people called in-laws, absolutely free
of charge...as your “FREE GIFT”.
“DON’T LET THE FREE GIFT STEAL YOUR SLEEP !! “
Good evening
fellow toastmasters & distinguished guests, allow me to enlighten you on “How to manage your in-laws”.
Allow me to share some ideas to get you started ;
Rule No. 01 - No divided loyalties
This is THE
primary rule. You may be the most loved child in your family for your parents,
but in an in-law issue, you MUST, I repeat, you MUST stick by your
spouse’s side, no matter what. After all, ‘You two are in this together’. Never
ever put your spouse in a situation where he or she has to choose between you
and one of her relatives.
While respecting each other’s bond with the parents, grandparents,
siblings & the rest, at the same time, set boundaries as to when
in-laws are and are not invited into your family life. Remember, “Good fences
make good neighbours” and your in-laws need to be neighbours to your very private
family life.
Rule no. 02 –
Communicate
Direct & effective
communication clears a lot of smoke. It lets you see situations from your
in-law's point of view. I’ll tell you a story. A friend of mine hates beef…never
eats, never cooks...and her mother-in-law was perfectly aware of this situation.
But, whenever they visited her, the mother-in-law would make sure to prepare a beef
curry. My friend was furious.....She thought the mother-in-law was harassing her....It
finally came to a point where my friend couldn't stand it any more & decided
to take up the matter directly with the Mother-in-law. To her surprise only to
realize, that beef has been & is still the favourite dish of her husband’s family,
and this poor mother-in-law was just trying to please the taste buds of her beef-deprived
son.
Rule no. 03 - Be
mature
Your own parents
love you in thick & thin. They are programmed to love you; it's in the
blood. But your in-laws don't necessarily have to….be mature to accept that fact, and not to have too big expectations. If you are lucky; they’ll adore you. If not; so be
it.
This advice is for the girls,…..it is common acceptance
that mothers hold on to their son as long as they live, So she might treat your
husband as if he’s still her little boy. Try as hard as you may, but it’s a
fact you can never change….be mature.....tolerate....take it on the chin and move
on with life…..Even if your
spouse has ‘parents from hell’, they still are his or her parents. But, if your
spouse is from hell, that of course is a different story, that is your fault !
Your wrong choice :D
Last but not
least, be patient, be kind, & learn to cool-off. Because in many sensitive
issues in life, “the best thing to do, is to do-nothing”. “Time
heals many wounds” – and mind you, "many wounds do heel”.
If I quickly
recap my ideas, In-law management is all about LCM ; Loyalty, Communication
& Maturity.
Remember, the
in-laws are a crucial part of your spouse's life. If you stick
with your spouse, you'll be stuck with those in-laws for the rest of
your life. It’s a fact that you are a little too late to reverse now.....though I
know you wish you could ! :D
So, that leaves you with 2 choices. Either to return the punches and continue the conflicts......or to enjoy ”THE FREE GIFT” by managing your in-laws properly. I want you to do the latter……Hence I shared these valuable information with you….but my part is now done, and the ball is now in your court !
Good luck with your gift !
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