ARRANGED LOVE
These days I’m seriously considering about getting married again……..Don’t worry, the partner will be the same, but this time round, the approach will be different !
Fellow Toastmasters and Distinguished guests, Good evening !
Do you know that that the world is in the process of making a ‘U turn’ on what leads to successful marriages? Yes, latest research has revealed that currently the popularity and success rate of arranged marriages is overtaking love marriages.
According to a research by UNICEF Human Rights Council, the highest divorce rate in the world for the year 2012 was 54.9% in Sweden. USA was a close 2nd with 54.8% & Belarus 3rd at 52.9%. These are 3 countries where almost all marriages are result of love affairs. Compare that with India, where still more than 90% of marriages are arranged, India recorded the least divorce rate in 2012 with just 1.1%. In Japan, the most common route to marriage is still ‘ The omiai’, which is an ancient custom where suitable couples are formally introduced to each other by their parents. Japan recorded the 3rd least divorce rate in 2012, with 1.9%
So this stats gives rise to 2 questions... how come such an unromantic thing like an arranged marriage became to be so popular ? and why is it so successful ?
Let me explain how & why.....
Why is it popular ? Biological Anthropologist and author Helen Fisher says that "men are more eager to marry when they're financially secure, and women want to marry when they want children". Over the years the overwhelming desire towards higher education, and a strong financial standing among men & women has undermined the importance of marital bliss and having children. Besides, due to the rapid development of cosmetics industry and technology, finding true beauty at heart and physic requires years of searching & heartache. Millions of eligible bachelors around the world are now too busy to go through that stress, and leave the finding of a perfect partner to their parents or a match maker.
That’s the main reason for the popularity of Arranged marriages, but it’s great success over love marriages is due to multiple reasons.
Firstly, for a marriage to be successful, the primary requirement is the mental match between the 2 prospective candidates. In an arranged marriage a thorough test of social, economical and cultural compatibility is carried out, which in turn facilitates a mental match. In comparison, the mistake made in Love marriages is that the stepping stone of the relationship is the physical attraction. A lot of youngsters conceive lust to love, and pay the price dearly with unsuccessful married lives. Whereas in an arranged marriage, Love is considered a 'product of marriage, not the cause'.
William Shakesphere once said, “Expectation is the root cause for all heartaches”. He is spot on. Lack of expectation is the second main reason for the success of arranged marriage over love marriages. The parties in an arranged marriage tie the knot with less expectation and a skeptical mind. They are prepared for the worse, that is for a “Prince Charmless” or a “Rebellious Princess”. Their mindset is prepared to adjust themselves based on their partner. But in a love marriage it is the exact opposite. When in love, people promise sun and moon, but the promises last only up to the honeymoon. They enter marriage with full of hopes. And when they come to experience the harsh realities of life and that their dream world is crashing, the plates & dishes in the kitchen starts getting flying lessons.
Harvard Academic Dr. Robert Epstein says that feelings of love in love marriages begin to fade by as much as by 50% within just 18 months from marriage, whereas the love in an arranged marriage tends to grow gradually. Ten years on, the affection felt by those in arranged marriages is typically twice as strong.
I hope the message is clear to you now…So in conclusion, my advice to the eligible female singles in this audience is, "your parents know what is best for you, so leave it up to them". And for the boys, if you feel you’ve found your soul mate, let the world trends and percentages work in your favour, Tackle her parents before the girl !
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